Last week was our great battle of David and Goliath, arguably one of the greatest and most told stories in the Bible and certainly a turning point and a highlight in David’s life. What we’re going to see is that instantly – this skyrockets this young man’s life front and center. But as with any rise to fame and glory, it’s not all parades and die-hard fans. The road to David’s Kingship is going to be filed with dark times, assassination attempts, isolation and heartache.
And what are the main sources of pain in our lives? Other people. Right? Some people are like clouds, when they disappear it’s a brighter day. And so in our chapter today we’re going to take a look at the people in David’s life. Every life needs a little bit of tension, right? A little bit of drama, and nobody stirs up drama all by themselves, it takes two to tango and so here in 1 Samuel 18, we’re introduced to the other characters in David’s life.
The his best friend
3 people, 3 different relationships in David’s life – King Saul, David’s first wife Michael and David’s best friend Jonathan. And we’re going to follow that order so that we end with Jonathan. So let’s get right into it…
David’s second relationship that causes drama in his life is with his first wife Michal
v17 Then Saul said to David, “Here is my elder daughter Merab. I will give her to you for a wife. Only be valiant for me and fight the Lord’s battles.” For Saul thought, “Let not my hand be against him, but let the hand of the Philistines be against him.” 18 And David said to Saul, “Who am I, and who are my relatives, my father’s clan in Israel, that I should be son-in-law to the king?” 19 But at the time when Merab, Saul’s daughter, should have been given to David, she was given to Adriel the Meholathite for a wife.
Wait what? Wasn’t David promised the first born daughter, but she was given to someone else. Well that was a bait and switch, so what do we know about Michal?
v20 Now Saul’s daughter Michal loved David. And they told Saul, and the thing pleased him.
What’s not to love, he’s young and handsome and he’s popular with the people. And so the first thing we know about Michal is that she loves her husband, but what do we know already going into this relationship? She wasn’t David’s first pick. And that is going to create some…. drama.
v21 Saul thought, “Let me give her to him, that she may be a snare for him and that the hand of the Philistines may be against him.” Therefore Saul said to David a second time, “You shall now be my son-in-law.” Saul commanded his servants, “Speak to David in private and say, ‘Behold, the king has delight in you, and all his servants love you. Now then become the king’s son-in-law.’” 23 And Saul’s servants spoke those words in the ears of David. And David said, “Does it seem to you a little thing to become the king’s son-in-law, since I am a poor man and have no reputation?” 24 And the servants of Saul told him, “Thus and so did David speak.” 25 Then Saul said, “Thus shall you say to David, ‘The king desires no bride-price except a hundred foreskins of the Philistines, that he may be avenged of the king’s enemies.’” Now Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines. 26 And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king’s son-in-law.
Saul was not a man of honor, nor a man of his word. David had already “earned” the hand of the King’s daughter by slaying Goliath, but the king hoped that David would die in his efforts to win her hand a second time.
But did it work? … it did not.
… Before the time had expired, 27 David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines. And David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. And Saul gave him his daughter Michal for a wife.
Listen, any man who has trembled in his boots going to his girlfriend’s Dad to ask her hand in marriage – doesn’t hold a candle to David. “Sure you can marry my daughter, I just need you to do one little thing….”
But the happy couple didn’t stay happy. And to tell Michal’s story and get at the heart of HER drama, we need to skip ahead in the story a few years. Many years later, when David was on the run from King Saul, he would be away from Michal for between ten and fourteen years. And it was during that time that he built for himself another life and that included another family.
As the war between Saul’s house and David’s house continued so did David’s family grow. He married wife after wife: Maacah the daughter of Talmai king of Geshur; Haggith; Abital; Eglah. And at this point he had six children by seven wives. But it was poor Michal who remained childless. But the Bible says she was a good step Mother even though David was a poor Father.
Eventually David prevailed and began to reign over all Israel from Jerusalem. Israel spent much of his reign at war with Philistia (same people as Goliath). And so during one of these battles, David was in charge of a raid that had a mission to sneak in and steal the lost ark. (they made a movie about it)
And so after David and his men liberate it and bring it home it’s here that we have another story about Michal.
2 Samuel 6:16-20
As the ark of the Lord came into the city of David, Michal the daughter of Saul looked out of the window and saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, and she despised him in her heart.
v20 And David returned to bless his household. But Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David and said, “How the king of Israel honored himself today, uncovering himself today before the eyes of his servants’ female servants, as one of the vulgar fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!”
Thirty thousand people gather to bring the ark to Jerusalem, everyone is singing and dancing and worshiping God, but Michal isn’t one of them. And I suspect she WASN’T exactly a humble woman. In fact, three times in this passage how is she referred to as? “Daughter of Saul.” Not David’s wife… but the daughter of Saul. This is a proud woman who probably thinks very highly of herself and her position (much like her Father).
And just as a side note, IF you have a Nemesis, probably not a good life choice is to ask the question: “Hey, do you have a daughter?”
So, when David gets home – she lets him have it. She speaks to David (her husband) like a mother does to a naughty child.
And here is the thing about Michal – true – she used to love him, and when David left, he ignored her and forgot about her – he wasn’t a good husband. But… her claim to fame in the Bible is as being the wife who had a critical heart.
Criticism is another avenue where DRAMA sneaks into our lives. Condemnation, disapproval, gossip – these are all contributing factors to the Mamma Drama.
David is trying to worship God, he’s free, he’s uninhibited and here comes someone to tap him on the shoulder and say, “Uh, you’re doing it wrong.”
Jeremiah 17:9 says The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?
How do you know if it’s creeping in to your life? Because a critical spirit is not difficult to recognize. Someone with a critical spirit is prone to complaining, seeing the glass as half-empty, lamenting about unmet expectations, predicting failure (typically in others more than in oneself), and being judgmental. People with critical spirits are no fun to be around.
Romans 14:10 Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother?
What about at church? Have you ever been critical with something at a Church?
· Maybe something the pastor says in a sermon
· Maybe something in a prayer
· Or a song that was chosen
· Or a person’s behavior sitting near you
What do you do with those feelings? Or maybe it’s outside of Church. You just can’t believe how your co-workers act, or how your neighbors conduct themselves, what do you do?
So here are the rules of how to avoid a critical spirit:
1. Before you talk to them ask yourself WHY you have a concern, is it because you care about them? Is it because you want them to improve.. or …is it because you care about yourself?
You see, David wanted to bring glory to God, but Michal only cared that David was an embarrassment to her. And what does David say to her in return?
22 I will make myself yet more contemptible than this, and I will be abased in your eyes. But by the female servants of whom you have spoken, by them I shall be held in honor.”
David said, “Oh you think that’s bad, listen Missy (I’m paraphrasing) I’ll become even more undignified than this. And you’ll hate it, but the people who worship God like I do… they’ll get it, because they love God the way I love God.”
Michael didn’t criticize David because she cared about him or his welfare, she was only concerned about herself. Before you say something, check your motivation, and the second thing is this… and it’s very important….
2. Talk to THEM… not your neighbors… about what concerns you.
If you don’t talk to them about what bothers you, you will eventually talk to someone else. And then, in time, word will get back to those you’ve talked about and then it’s too late, because now it’s gossip. And here is the thing. You don’t gossip about people you love. Because you didn’t care enough about how they’d feel to talk to them directly and instead you talked about them behind their back – that’s sin. Gossip is always sin.
Proverbs 16:28 A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.
Do me a favor, and I’ve said this before, because I don’t want to be a part of a back stabbing, rumor mill, gossip churning, critical church.
Do me a favor, when something or someone upsets you in church (or anywhere) you go and speak to them personally… nobody needs more drama in their life.
Ok we’ve had two poor relationship examples, now it’s time for one good one.